Do you have difficulty with oral sex? Here are some pointers in clear English that can help your performance with women and this often-tricky sexual activity.

Firstly, do not perform oral sex if you are uncomfortable. Many men do not enjoy performing oral sex for a variety of reasons. If you do not enjoy it, then I would recommend that you avoid this type of sexual activity. Women can often tell if a man is not enjoying the performance of oral sex. There are many good options to oral sex that can stimulate a woman without the performance of oral sex, but they will not be covered here.

Secondly, wash your hands. If your partner is clean, you should be too. Dirty hands are often the cause of yeast infections and vaginal irritation. When you begin performing oral sex, gentle massage with your fingers can get things going.

There are many different ways to perform oral sex, and women are often reluctant to tell you if you are performing it incorrectly. Stimulation of the clitoris is very important. The clitoris is a small nubby organ just above the opening of the vagina. It is akin to the penis in sensitivity and full of nerve endings. Be very gentle, because forceful stimulation of the clitoris can initially be painful. However, many women cannot climax without clitoral stimulation. Try different methods. Gentle suckling or licking with the mouth can have a very pleasurable effect.

Next, try insertion of a few fingers into the vagina. Tongue insertion is generally exciting, but the tongue is often not large or thick enough to cause the woman to climax. Penis or finger insertion is more effective. Pinching the exterior of the vaginal lips, (like pinching the top of a taco shell together) can also be very pleasurable. Massage on the interior thighs has a very pleasurable feel for many women, too, and will often be the precursor to a successful climax. I hope these pointers have been helpful. Remember, be open with your partner and enjoy all your sexual experiences.

Christie Pinheiro lives in Northern California with her husband, children, and two spoiled cats. She is a published writer, and earned her advanced degree from San Jose State University.

Do you want to try different sex play, but have a partner that refuses to try it? Well, the key is to try and be as suave and romantic as possible, especially with a woman who has never tried it before. As a happily married woman, I can help you gently convince your wife to try this exciting and pleasurable sexual activity.

First, it is very important to understand that anal sex is very different from vaginal intercourse. Women have pleasure centers in the vagina and the clitoris, but not as many in the anal region, so it will take a lot of gentle coaxing to try and encourage your wife to try this type of sexual activity and enjoy it. The most important thing is to be calm and gentle, especially the first time, because it can initially be painful. If your wife experiences lots of pain, she will not want a repeat performance, no matter how hard you try!

Now, a great way to get started is to make the night special. Get rid of all distractions– spring for a hotel and romantic dinner. A couple of glasses of wine and a bottle of champagne at a nice hotel can go a very long way to making your wife giddy and relaxed. Do not argue or belittle her. Complement her appearance. If she says something like, “I’m so fat”, reassure her and tell her that she is “absolutely beautiful”.

If you have children, arrange for a babysitter. Get candles, bubble bath, etc. If your wife is open to it, take her to a nice exotic sex shop, and help her pick out a nice vibrator and stimulating tool. Some couples are squeamish about this, but this can be your secret weapon!

Studies have shown that men and women have very different fantasies. Men typically fantasize about lesbian intercourse, or viewing a sexual act with two women. Women also have fantasies, even though they are usually much more reserved about them. Women will often fantasize about forceful lovemaking, or having two male partners at the same time. Even though most women would never actually have sex with two men simultaneously, you can give your wife the pleasurable sensation with a sex toy.

Now, once you have both relaxed and had some wine, you can use lubricant and your fingers (or mouth) to start stimulating your wife’s genital area. The clitoris is most important, and if she is relaxed, she should start responding very quickly.

Use lots of lubricant in the anal region. I cannot stress this enough. The anal area has no real natural lubricants, unlike the vagina. Use a water-based lubricant, such as K-Y or Astroglide. Do not use Vaseline, or any oil based lubricants. Your wife may prefer that you use a condom for anal sex, so don’t forget to bring some along. This can be a real deal killer, so don’t forget!

Now, while stimulating the clitoris, or using the vibrator in the vagina (or both), slowly and gently insert the penis into the rectal area. Go very slowly. The least painful way, in my experience, is to insert the penis while both of you are laying side-by-side. It is more difficult, I know, but this will prevent possible over-insertion and pain. I do not recommend trying any rear sexual position (ie doggy-style), until you have attempted anal sex many times.

If your wife is healthy and fit, you can also attempt anal sex with your wife on top. This is a little more strenuous, but can be a lot of fun, because it will give you lots of access to the vagina and clitoris.

I hope these pointers have helped! Remember, just keep trying. Nobody gets it right the first time. Have fun and try to enjoy yourselves. Get a naughty movie or games, and spice up your marriage and your love life with some different types of pleasurable games and sexual activity.

Christie Pinheiro lives in Northern California with her husband, children, and two spoiled cats. She is a published writer, and earned her advanced degree from San Jose State University.

The Normal Sexual Response Cycle is the series of events an individual will experience during a normal sexual encounter from stimulation to the relaxation phase at the end of an encounter. Problems can occur at any one or more of the four phases which make up the normal Sexual response cycle.

To be able to assess sexual problems and disorders, one has to be familiar with the normal sexual response cycle and the major physiological factors mediating each phase of the cycle. The normal sexual response cycle can be divided into four phases consisting of the desire phase, the arousal phase, the orgasm phase, and the resolution phase.

The first phase is the desire phase in which wishes and fantasies are entertained to engage in sexual activity. This response is psychic in origin but is mediated by circulating androgens. This is usually more pronounced in males because of the higher testosterone levels.

The second phase is the arousal phase and consists of a number of physiologic changes plus the subjective sense of sexual pleasure. There is an increased heart rate, breathing rate, and development of muscular tension throughout the body, most pronounced in the pelvic area and thighs. The major physiologic change is the development of vascular congestion in the genital area. In females it manifests as vaginal lubrication and swelling of the external genitalia and in males leads to an erection of the penis.

The third phase is orgasm. This consists of a peaking of sexual pleasure accompanied by a sense of release from sexual tension. The most obvious physiological manifestation in the male is ejaculation. In the female, the rhythmic contractions take place within the musculature of the outer third of the vagina and perineal muscles.

The fourth phase is called resolution and consists of a sense of pleasure, warmth, well-being, and relaxation. There is a gradual return of the breathing rate and heart rates to normal and muscle tension to its baseline state. Most males are refractory to entering into another cycle of sexual activity for some period of time but women are not refractory and may experience multiple orgasms following continued or additional stimulation.

Sexual dysfunction can result from issues arising in any one or more phases of the sexual response cycle. Sex therapy is behavioral modification therapy that should be considered the first line of therapy for couples experiencing problems of any type in the bedroom. A couple should consult with their physician to determine which course of therapy or treatment is best suited for their particular problem.

Dr. Crawford is a family practice physician. Visit his blog on this subject at greatestsexlife.blogspot.com and his Web Site at www.babyboomersdoc.com