Do you want to try different sex play, but have a partner that refuses to try it? Well, the key is to try and be as suave and romantic as possible, especially with a woman who has never tried it before. As a happily married woman, I can help you gently convince your wife to try this exciting and pleasurable sexual activity.

First, it is very important to understand that anal sex is very different from vaginal intercourse. Women have pleasure centers in the vagina and the clitoris, but not as many in the anal region, so it will take a lot of gentle coaxing to try and encourage your wife to try this type of sexual activity and enjoy it. The most important thing is to be calm and gentle, especially the first time, because it can initially be painful. If your wife experiences lots of pain, she will not want a repeat performance, no matter how hard you try!

Now, a great way to get started is to make the night special. Get rid of all distractions– spring for a hotel and romantic dinner. A couple of glasses of wine and a bottle of champagne at a nice hotel can go a very long way to making your wife giddy and relaxed. Do not argue or belittle her. Complement her appearance. If she says something like, “I’m so fat”, reassure her and tell her that she is “absolutely beautiful”.

If you have children, arrange for a babysitter. Get candles, bubble bath, etc. If your wife is open to it, take her to a nice exotic sex shop, and help her pick out a nice vibrator and stimulating tool. Some couples are squeamish about this, but this can be your secret weapon!

Studies have shown that men and women have very different fantasies. Men typically fantasize about lesbian intercourse, or viewing a sexual act with two women. Women also have fantasies, even though they are usually much more reserved about them. Women will often fantasize about forceful lovemaking, or having two male partners at the same time. Even though most women would never actually have sex with two men simultaneously, you can give your wife the pleasurable sensation with a sex toy.

Now, once you have both relaxed and had some wine, you can use lubricant and your fingers (or mouth) to start stimulating your wife’s genital area. The clitoris is most important, and if she is relaxed, she should start responding very quickly.

Use lots of lubricant in the anal region. I cannot stress this enough. The anal area has no real natural lubricants, unlike the vagina. Use a water-based lubricant, such as K-Y or Astroglide. Do not use Vaseline, or any oil based lubricants. Your wife may prefer that you use a condom for anal sex, so don’t forget to bring some along. This can be a real deal killer, so don’t forget!

Now, while stimulating the clitoris, or using the vibrator in the vagina (or both), slowly and gently insert the penis into the rectal area. Go very slowly. The least painful way, in my experience, is to insert the penis while both of you are laying side-by-side. It is more difficult, I know, but this will prevent possible over-insertion and pain. I do not recommend trying any rear sexual position (ie doggy-style), until you have attempted anal sex many times.

If your wife is healthy and fit, you can also attempt anal sex with your wife on top. This is a little more strenuous, but can be a lot of fun, because it will give you lots of access to the vagina and clitoris.

I hope these pointers have helped! Remember, just keep trying. Nobody gets it right the first time. Have fun and try to enjoy yourselves. Get a naughty movie or games, and spice up your marriage and your love life with some different types of pleasurable games and sexual activity.

Christie Pinheiro lives in Northern California with her husband, children, and two spoiled cats. She is a published writer, and earned her advanced degree from San Jose State University.

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