Many people ask the question, how often do couples have sex, on average? Iif this question has been on your mind, welcome to the club! The quick answer to this question is, it depends! Every person has a different level of sexual need.

There is no right or wrong answer for frequency for a person or a couple. How often you desire sex is very personal. If you look at national averages for married couples, for example, then 1-2 times per week among married couples might be average. But for others who enjoy sexual activity every day, that might be much or too infrequent. Some people enjoy daily sexual expression, and some several times per day. There are many different factors that can affect your sex drive and your sexual behavior

Here are seven factors that can impact desire for sexual frequency:

1. How satisfying the sex is for both of you. If the sex is fantastic, you may enjoy yourself so much that you want more of it. In my experience working with couples, great sex can lead to even more great sex. Do you look to please yourself and your partner, or do you stop caring and trying? If the sex is not the greatest, then think of how you can make it a better experience for you, and talk with your partner about that. Then, put your plans into action. Dare to try new things. If you like them, you can do them again. If they don’t work at all, then just laugh and move on.
2. How well you are getting along. If you are fighting all the time, it may be difficult to connect sexually with one another or to be “in the mood” for sex. Although some people swear that “make-up sex” after an argument is the hottest, I think that having a harmonious relationship outside of the bedroom can help your sex lives, (as long as there is chemistry between you, of course!)

3. Your physical health, including medications you take. Let’s face it. Sometimes, when you are not feeling well, being sexual may not be the first thing on your mind. In addition, some medications carry negative sexual side effects on desire or sexual performance. One example of this is some anti-depressants. You can read, research, and consult with your doctor if you notice changes in your desire or your performance when you take medications. Even so, research has shown that pleasurable sexual activity releases endorphins, and boosts the immune system, so maybe sex can be part of your health recovery plan!

4. Your ability to ‘get in the mood’ even when you’re not initially. This can go a long way in enhancing your relationship with your partner. Once you get going, you will probably both have fun! Plan activities that get you in the mood for lovemaking! Whether you enjoy a warm bath, candles, soft music, a sexy shopping experience, a body massage, or looking into your lover’s eyes, go for it!

5. The frequency you are used to. If you are like most people, you are a creature of habit. If you are in the habit of being sexual every day, then you are more likely to continue that habit. If you form new habits, such as watching 5 hours of TV per day, then you are more likely to focus on the TV instead of intimacy.

6. Your ability to communicate your desires and needs, and to get those met. How well do you know yourself sexually? Are you able to communicate what you like sexually to your partner? Many people have difficulty talking about sex openly because of social stigma and taboo. If you can learn to break through those barriers, you may find yourself more motivated to be sexual with your partner.

7. Your sexual compatibility. Whether or not you enjoy the same things sexually seems to be a big factor in whether or not you are satisfied and motivated sexually. For example, if you enjoy lots of kissing during lovemaking, while your partner is opposed to this, then you may not have such a great time together. Also, if your partner is very sexually adventurous and you are very uptight, you might both resist having sex together because of your different tastes. The best is to find someone who enjoys similar activities as you do, or enjoys everything, and you can have fun together.

Frequency in sex is much more a matter of your personal choice and your choice as a couple. Use the law of attraction in your favor. If you want more intimacy, feel, think, and take action in that direction. Many couples I see have different ideas about frequency, and need some assistance working through these issues. The important thing is to learn what you like and how to get your needs met. Decide on the frequency you want and go for that.

If you have sexuality questions, you can e-mail krista@healingcouch.com. If you would like to read other articles on this topic, or subscribe to our free quarterly e-newsletter The Sexuality Times, you can go to http://www.healingcouch.com and click on “publications”.

Krista Bloom is a counselor and coach who inspires singles and couples to go from surviving to thriving. She is a clinical sexologist and sex educator that helps people to have healthier happier relationships, including their intimate lives. Check out her website at http://www.healingcouch.com. You can e-mail her questions or feeback or request an appointment at krista@healingcouch.com.

Is you man to tired for sex and has a flagging libido? Then its time for both you and your partner to enjoy better sex, by helping your man to perform with the following tips. Simply follow them and they will lead you both to enjoy better sex.

Men are under pressure to perform at work and in many instances stressed and anxious when they come home and the last thing on their mind is sex!

Even in today’s equal society, they feel under pressure to perform in the bedroom and feel they have to take the lead.

It is the anxiety and stress of having to perform, that sometimes leads to them flopping in the bedroom, so its time to give them some help.

1. Relax your partner

After a hard day at work relax your partner with a massage with sensuous oils.

It’s important he clears his mind, only concentrates on you and enjoying sex and there is simply no better way of doing this than starting with a massage.

The massage will relax him and the oils will stimulate his senses.

2. Foreplay

While it is a well known fact that women need plenty of foreplay to get aroused men do to, especially when they get older and need to be coaxed into action.

Engage in plenty of foreplay and take the LEAD.

Start with plenty of kissing and licking and use oral sex – most men love this anyway and it’s a great way to prepare for intercourse.

Make sure you compliment him.

Men will feel much better if they know you are enjoying it, so feed him compliments all the time, to take the pressure off him.

3. Girls on top

Is the position you are in control and you are relieving the pressure on your partner as you have control of not just his pleasure but yours too. This is a great position where a man just simply needs to let you take control.

4. If he has problems getting an erection

Show him you are enjoying yourself anyway, and get put your pelvic region right into his without penetration and let him see you orgasm.

This can be a great turn on for men anyway, as contrary to believe men are not just interested in their own pleasure their interested in yours too.

These are four tips that can relieve the pressure to perform from your partner and make sure that he is relaxed and not anxious, which on many occasions will mean he is unable to perform.

You will also massage his ego and by showing that you are in control and enjoying yourself he will respond.

Try the above tips and both you and your partner will enjoy better sex.

MORE FREE SEX TIPS AUDIO AND VIDEO GUIDES On all aspects of how to get more from sex and relationships and everything to do with better sex visit our website for a huge resource of articles, features and downloads and at www.net-planet.org/index.html 

I don’t like this “L” word. I think it’s confusing, convoluted, and is given way too much importance in Western societies. Love isn’t a feeling or an emotion. It’s a pattern or a way of life that two people who know each other completely and honestly fall into. It’s based on shared values, dreams, memories. Essentially, love takes a lot of time to build, and it’s not something you magically “feel” every second you are with your beloved. Love is something you know.

To make things worse, this “L” word is often mixed together with the other “L” word…lust. Lust is an incredible concoction of euphoria-producing hormones that run amok and cause us to do crazy things when our bodies see and/or smell a potentially prime mate! And as supposedly rational creatures, this chaotic state doesn’t seem to be a good foundation for us to make decisions upon that could potentially make or break our lives…

Yet people do it all the time under the disguise of “love.” “We got married for love and now, three years later, we’re divorced.” “We’re broke because we spent all our money on movies and popcorn for Love.” “We had sex because we were in love!” And because people attach the “in love” part to these scenarios the larger culture goes, “Oh that’s OK, we understand. You’re still a good person.” But what happens when we take away the “in love” excuse? We’re left facing a culture that’s overly critical and a self that wonders what in world we did all those stupid things for!

However, there are the few who realize this L&L distinction, and take responsibility for their ridiculous behaviors. The culture tends to look down on these individuals, if for no other reason than they reflect the hypocrisy back to the hypocrites. And when it comes to sex in particular, the culture can be all-out brutal to those who defy it and say, “Actually, love and sex don’t have to go together…I had sex just because I wanted to!”

Now don’t get me wrong. Real love is fantastic and wonderful and one of the best things about being alive…but should it be a cultural necessity that validates your right to have sex with someone? No! If I had to pick one emotion for people to base all their sexual decisions upon, it would be an emotion that’s much closer to the act of sex itself…lust!

Despite what I said before, this is an “L” word I like. When separated out of “love”, it can be viewed a little more realistically. No one says you have to be together forever because you are “in lust,” or that “being in lust” is the only thing worth living for. Nope, instead Lust is often portrayed as the emotion we should run away from. It is bad! It is trouble!

Actually, it’s often the first stage of our highly exhaulted love! (Shocking I know!) So why do I think lust is a better decision-making barometer even though it can make you do crazy things? Firstly, because if you realize that lust is lust and not love, you’ve a much better chance of having reasonable expectations for your relationship after the sex than if you go into it thinking you’re already in that all mighty state of love.

When you first meet someone and the sparks start to fly, you want to have sex with them as quickly as possible. That’s just how it is biologically. But since our culture dictates that you should be “in love” before this happens, people skip through the “I’m just in lust” stage of thinking and run head long into the “Yep, we’re in love so we can have sex now without feeling guilty or wrong…Even if we did just meet at the bar an hour ago!” Now you’re just lying to yourself, and the possibility of you getting hurt increases.

Secondly, a lot of people, especially young women, have sex for reasons other than their own internal lusty desires. She may have sex to progress a relationship, or because everyone else is doing it, or because her partner is pressuring her. I think sex should be enjoyed and expressed freely, not as a duty or obligation. So, if you use your own feelings of lust as a decisions-maker, you will only have sex when you honestly want to…and this is very important for one’s own self-respect and esteem.

In the end, what will I teach my daughter? I’ll teach her to have sex only when she really wants to, only when she feels that incredible desire to merge herself fully with someone else, when her skin tingles and her vision blurs…

Only have sex when you are truly in lust.

Rose Rivera, Sexologist, is the creator of Speak Sexy - One of the fastest growing sexuality sites on the web! Offering free articles, fun sex polls, adult games, books, and discreet shopping! Visit: Speak Sexy!